I’m a Pianist for a Week
Fellow music lovers and kindred spirits of the vast online world, my older sister is about to be married.
And she asked me to play piano for it.
So, I’ve been getting my lil’ nubbins on piano keys since I was three years old. I’ve played the instrument longer than anything else in my life, it’s one of those constant variables that have outlasted every friendship, sport, relationship, and tools or toys… other than my family members. Piano is something that will always be there for me, I just have to sit down and be present enough to play it.
The other constant variables, my family members, had to endure all of the banging and clanging I made while learning piano. We all learned how to play at one point or another, so we all had our fair share of noise making. We all have a creative knack within us, and we all feel music deeply. Out of all of us, my older sister had an extreme knack for the discipline it takes to be a pianist. Clearly more focused than any of my younger brothers or I. And she would be learning massive classical pieces and actually practice her scales.. Like actually practice. I’d try and play one scale and then my mind was off wandering and I’d want to improvise in that key. Well there are 12 keys and by the time I was tired and done with “practice” I played one or two scales while my sister would have done all 12 scales along with practicing her classical pieces. I honestly was envious of her focus and passion. I always tried applying myself like her, but I got really overwhelmed while trying to practice in our hectic home environment. I always practiced best alone, and that was rare growing up with 4 other siblings—who were homeschooled most of their lives. So anyway, I associated practice with stress, and it took a long time until I finally learned to reassociate what practice means to me. I would procrastinate and pull piano pieces out of my ass hoping for the best. I have a good ear and a natural playing ability so sometimes I could pull it off, but I never really excelled as much as I could if I just applied myself a little more. I also quit piano a few times because of being too overwhelmed. I hated failing and I failed a lot. So needless to say, when my sister asked me to play at her wedding, I didn’t hesitate to accept, because I’m pretty good at what I do, but instantly my demons came rushing into my head.
As an adult, I still struggle with the habits of my childhood, so this opportunity to play piano for my sister’s wedding is quite a hurdle to jump over. I find myself falling back into old patterns. I have slacked on Instagram the past couple of weeks and I want to share why that is. I obviously have my priorities in a list where my day-job comes first, then my family and friends, and then sharing the journey. I’ll get better with time as it becomes more of a habit to share the journey, but for now, I need to avoid old patterns. I need to practice and execute this piano performance with tactical precision. Of course, all while leading with my heart and soul though. It’s a very thin line to walk along and it only is possible if I reach a flow state. That moment when I have no thoughts and I only hear and feel the music that is streaming through me, that’s the flow. Even when playing tennis, that moment when I watch the ball and I feel my body be so balanced yet quick to strike the ball, that’s flow. It feels as if I am not playing the instrument or playing the sport. I’m just watching myself make music that comes from seemingly nothing. Or hit an amazing shot that looks like I couldn’t have hit such a ball. I think that this is creative consciousness energy and it’s the very thing that allows very many successful people to have immense passion, focus and tenacity. It’s a magical place where I’m honestly addicted to going to. Whenever I sit at the piano, the guitar, my computer screen, my analog synth machines, ESPECIALLY when I coach tennis, I try to flow from a creative conscious energy that is infinite and comforting. I want to share that energy at my sister’s wedding on her most special day. It’s such an honor to be able to bless the space with that sort of energy. It’s my purpose to be frank. I feel most fulfilled when I spread creative energy. But for whatever reason, when pursuing one’s purpose, it seems like one must face every obstacle imaginable. I keep jumping over so many mental hurdles, so thanks for sticking with me while I learn and grow some more!
The past couple of weeks I’ve been very busy, but I had still intended to carve out time to practice. I was helping my brother move into my old “studio” room. We had to move some furniture pieces out and I injured my right hand during some of that moving. Instantly I knew that I had bruised it pretty badly and clenching a fist was hurting quite a bit. The swelling on the top of my hand was getting bad, but I could move everything, so at least I hadn’t broken anything. My reaction to it was so typical of me from the past. I was really volatile and angry like a child having a tantrum. I projected some of that anger at my bro, too. I was just so upset that I was there trying to help, but injured myself, so I wouldn’t be able to practice piano, and I actually cancelled some tennis lessons, too! That night, I had iced it lots and the next day I was able to grip things alright, but the swelling was still fairly bad. I was worried about tennis, so I didn’t play piano at all that day and just rested my hand as much as possible. I still was helping in my brother’s room, and it was priming day.. ugh. Long story short, I got through what my brother and I had planned to get done before this wedding, and I was able to get the rest of my lessons in. This week the hand has felt better, so I’ve been cramming in piano, but while I was painting the room with the final coat of color on the walls, I kinda sorta strained my lower back. I have 2 herniated discs in my lumbar, I think they’re between L3-4 and L4-5, but I haven’t gotten x’rays in a couple of years since my last chiropractor intensive program, so I forgot. I just got some new healthcare, so I’ll get checking that out in 2024 to be sure that the discs haven’t compressed anymore. I made really good progress between 2021-2022 so I hope I didn’t lose any of that. Since my back has slowly felt better each day, I think it was just a strain but this whole fiasco will be for another blog post. This back of mine has really taught me a lot of things.
My mindset and attitude could have been less reactive to all of the stress my body went through. I need to embrace hardships moving forward so that I can better manage these things. That’s something that I hope my sister and her soon-to-be husband can do. I hope they embrace the hardships and not react to them, rather stay neutral, confront the problem head on, and find a way to keep pushing forward. Needless to say though, I’ve been coaching tennis as best as I can while trying to juggle this room makeover project and this piano piece…. and I feel overwhelmed. I feel like a kid, and I feel myself wanting to go back into old childhood patterns. I don’t want to function. I don’t want to practice. I don’t want to teach tennis. I don’t want to engage on social media, and definitely don’t want to be engaging with the real world. The lights, the sounds, the attitudes of people, the smells, even touches and taste overwhelm me. I just want to rest and heal up my back. I can’t completely shut down and do that though, because I don’t get PTO and I also need to be 100% sure that I will crush this piano performance. So, I’ve been pulling myself through this week making sure that I can be the best that I can be. I’m balancing rest, work and piano. Got some coverage for work here and there, but I haven’t produced, mixed, or made any content. I guess at least I didn’t completely repeat the patterns of the past because I feel ready to conquer my stage fright and fill that church with beautiful creative energy. I’m going to play from my heart and give the best gift that I could possibly give to my sister.
As adults, my family has grown up so much! My older sister has been engaged to a wonderful guy who’s intelligent, funny, supportive and does a lot of the same things that my sister loves to do. They’re a perfect business/power/granola/best-friends couple. My sister was gracious enough to ask me to play at her wedding and I of course was thrilled to accept, so here I am, venting about how stressed I am, but in reality, I’m just so happy to be able to share my gift with her and I don’t want to mess it up. My sister has been such a pillar in my life, and I look up to her so much. I want nothing but the best for her because she deserves it. I play such a small part in her wedding (pun intended) and I can’t wait to see them getting married. I’m going to absolutely crush that piano piece and it’ll be one big happy Greek wedding!
At the time of writing this, I have just over 24 hours left until my sister gets married. I’m so excited and I’m so nervous.. I guess anxious? MAN! I bet she’s super nervous!! There’s a lot of energy flowing through me, and there’s gonna be a lot flowing at the wedding. It’s my job as a creative to harness that bless her special day with good vibes. There’s no higher vibration than music played from the heart. And speaking of some good vibes…
WHO WANTS SOME NEW MUSIC??? Read my next blog post to learn about what’s coming next!
Thank you for joining me on this wild ride, and until next time,
Dossas
